i’ll settle for strange

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i like to watch you while you sleep

some consider that strange

and i guess it is…

but there’s just something 

in the way morning rays light your face

like a beautiful picture

to beautiful to capture

yet, i want to carry it with me for the rest of today

as i watch your eye move under closed lids

and your chest rise and fall…rhythmically

i imagine your dreams

how they may be

some hard that require healing

and some of pure magic brought on by wishes and mary

i wonder if you ever dream of your mother

how she held and kissed you

how she laughed and scolded

and laughed some more

i never had the honor but she looks like she liked to laugh

i like to think you’re dreaming of her

and when you wake, maybe this morning you’ll remember…

 

i like to watch you while you sleep

some consider that strange

and i guess it is…

but i haven’t written anything in months

and just following the peaks and valleys of your resting face

was enough to spark inspiration..

so i guess i’ll settle for strange

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tuesday

Imagesometimes i feel a darkness creep

shadows from hidden places in my childhood

my mothers voice trying to convince me that no one besides her really cares 

that trust and love and magic 

are things only found in blood ties

i can’t really blame her though

she was just trying to dodge her own dark shadows

by grasping onto life she created.

. . . 

i have wrestled with demons of worthlessness

anger

distrust

fear

 all my life

sometimes i win.

sometimes i lose and retreat into myself.

today i lost.

but thats okay

because the solstice is blessing me 

my sisters are guiding me

and when i can’t find enough spirit to love myself 

the moon always does.

and through these tears 

i see a way to heal.

 

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to embracing the power of our wombs and our connections to mother moon: day2

Imagetwo daze before for full moon my shedding is heavy but with every cramp i breathe out some of the poison capitalism has fed me.

i sit with the sun in this late morning

creating spells

that, today, 

i will release any insecurity that makes me feel unworthy…

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to embracing the power of our wombs and our connections to mother moon: day 1

ImageThree daze before the full moon i start my moon cycle. and instead of complaining about the discomfort of this shedding i will take the physical pain i feel as an embrace of the spiritual trauma i and all my sisters have been forced to carry. i will take this bleeding as nothing but a sacred event because that’s what she is and i will love her as a shedding of the scars i have come to bare….

i sit under dusk and stars

the muscles of my womb contracting

usually, i lye in bed 

plugged with cotton and feeling everything less than desirable

but tonight

i sit 

allowing my moon to flow freely

concentrating the pain into a release of survival’s traumas

particularly on those around my childhood….

though i’m not completely rid of physical and spiritual discomfort

i must say

i feel beautiful.

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for my sunflower sister

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together we walk
like warriors
sisters of the cosmos
with daydreams of sea magic
and shameless love for our cunts
sharing laughter and inspirations
healing
the wounds left by patriarchy
we cultivate revolution
between our breasts and our ovaries
we are power
i love you

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contradictions of mind and heart

chakaz66

***just some reflections i scribbled down. gonna make it a complete piece later***

all my life i have heard that the heart and the mind want different things. you can see something, logically, as positive or negative but the reflection of that logic to emotions does not compute. as if our minds and hearts are on different wave lengths. this “reality” has often been used to justify staying in unhealthy environments or continuing unhealthy relationships based solely on emotional investment. in contrast this “reality” has also been used to create unhealthy situations out of thin air by use of insecurities, past experiences and defense mechanisms. the latter is what i have currently been struggling with. i have allowed my negative past experiences and the insecurities developed from them to defer my emotions and projection of those emotions from the “sensible” part of my mind. and while it is true that we are shaped by our environments and are a product of our experiences, who says that my mind and heart have to be in almost constant disagreement? they are two components of a single entity so why have we been convinced to believe the negative instead of a communion between them to work toward a positive outcome?

these are questions i have been shuffling through my head over the past several months as i have begun a spiritual healing process of balancing my own energies. the truth is, we have been conditioned to believe in this dichotomy. in mainstream media, in carefully selected history, “classic” novels etc. but lately I’ve been thinking this conditioning goes right along with the capital conditioning the people face as womyn, queer folk, people of color and working class people in general. and as we look toward a new society, toward a different life. toward revolution we are still faced with these issues. to have a sustainable movement toward the liberation of all oppressed peoples that actually moves beyond marches and one day strikes to a complete deconstruction and rebuilding of this life we must have theory and practice. theory is like the logic of our minds. we must have a logical idea of where we want to go from here. to dream of how to create better days rooted it in real history and present conditions. and the practice of that theory is the emotional ties we have when manifesting movement and struggle. the immense love when the people rise up against our oppressors and demand to be treated as humyns and the rage that comes with the states resistance to our power in the form of tear gas, police batons and murder. but the two must always go together. if you just have theory then there is beautiful thought with no movement…intellectual masturbation and if you just have practice it is too easy to lose sight and righteous acts of resistance become mere activism. we forgot why we are fighting and what out goal is…action for the sake of action means nothing and loses momentum.

so like revolution, humyns cannot live healthily without our minds and hearts moving in fluid motion with each other. we must stop seeing them as mutually exclusive. if something makes sense in your head it can make sense to your heart and be reflected in your motion. the hardest step forward it breaking down the walls of our conditioning, physical and emotional. but just as Egypt ripped of her chains, as Palestine never gives in to U.S. backed Israeli imperialism and genocide, as the legacy of the Panthers, the Zapatistas, the Young Lords Party, and more continue to inspire souls young and old and spark fires of resistance worldwide; we have more power than they tell us we have and they fear this discovery. after all, “a wall is just a wall and nothing more at all…it can be broken down.”

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two hours past midnight

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womyn have the obligation to yell

to raise our voices and scream our truths

to be carried with the wind

until our struggle no longer falls on deaf ears

as the rain nourishes the soil

we are rooted in the earth and cosmos

in revolution and liberation

our militancy

natural and necessary

we birth forth the steps needed to get free

from the sanctity of our cunts

a power that out spans oceans

we are warriors

in every sense of the word

this life can cause us to fall

to lose our light

our way

each other

but we keep gettin up

a little slower and a lot more deadly

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