contradictions of mind and heart

***just some reflections i scribbled down. gonna make it a complete piece later***

all my life i have heard that the heart and the mind want different things. you can see something, logically, as positive or negative but the reflection of that logic to emotions does not compute. as if our minds and hearts are on different wave lengths. this “reality” has often been used to justify staying in unhealthy environments or continuing unhealthy relationships based solely on emotional investment. in contrast this “reality” has also been used to create unhealthy situations out of thin air by use of insecurities, past experiences and defense mechanisms. the latter is what i have currently been struggling with. i have allowed my negative past experiences and the insecurities developed from them to defer my emotions and projection of those emotions from the “sensible” part of my mind. and while it is true that we are shaped by our environments and are a product of our experiences, who says that my mind and heart have to be in almost constant disagreement? they are two components of a single entity so why have we been convinced to believe the negative instead of a communion between them to work toward a positive outcome?

these are questions i have been shuffling through my head over the past several months as i have begun a spiritual healing process of balancing my own energies. the truth is, we have been conditioned to believe in this dichotomy. in mainstream media, in carefully selected history, “classic” novels etc. but lately I’ve been thinking this conditioning goes right along with the capital conditioning the people face as womyn, queer folk, people of color and working class people in general. and as we look toward a new society, toward a different life. toward revolution we are still faced with these issues. to have a sustainable movement toward the liberation of all oppressed peoples that actually moves beyond marches and one day strikes to a complete deconstruction and rebuilding of this life we must have theory and practice. theory is like the logic of our minds. we must have a logical idea of where we want to go from here. to dream of how to create better days rooted it in real history and present conditions. and the practice of that theory is the emotional ties we have when manifesting movement and struggle. the immense love when the people rise up against our oppressors and demand to be treated as humyns and the rage that comes with the states resistance to our power in the form of tear gas, police batons and murder. but the two must always go together. if you just have theory then there is beautiful thought with no movement…intellectual masturbation and if you just have practice it is too easy to lose sight and righteous acts of resistance become mere activism. we forgot why we are fighting and what out goal is…action for the sake of action means nothing and loses momentum.

so like revolution, humyns cannot live healthily without our minds and hearts moving in fluid motion with each other. we must stop seeing them as mutually exclusive. if something makes sense in your head it can make sense to your heart and be reflected in your motion. the hardest step forward it breaking down the walls of our conditioning, physical and emotional. but just as Egypt ripped of her chains, as Palestine never gives in to U.S. backed Israeli imperialism and genocide, as the legacy of the Panthers, the Zapatistas, the Young Lords Party, and more continue to inspire souls young and old and spark fires of resistance worldwide; we have more power than they tell us we have and they fear this discovery. after all, “a wall is just a wall and nothing more at all…it can be broken down.”