ex-factor

we were young

starting at sixteen

the first time i really loved

first open embrace

we vowed to take that forever

hand in hand until the uncertain end

with all the naivety that comes with highschool romances

and if there was one thing you always told me…

you were ready to die for me

and no one loved you more than me

but we never talked about life

about beauty

about the moon

or how it ripples on the water

we made love

but we did not make art

we did not create

we screamed and cried and made up passionately

as the world spun four times

and no one loved you more than me

stroking our egos when fear of solitude consumed the pain,

struggling to be swallowed

i still remember the rage the last time i looked into your eyes

as you laid on top of me with the audacity for apologies

no one’s hurt me more than you

and no one ever will

even after the end, i carried you with me

folded in thirds in my back pocket

until i found breath and saw love is not pain

i can have joy without sorrow

laughter without tears

beautiful embraces without the promise of forever

i can be alone and feel loved

i can fuck without regret

and fall in love without fear

stand under the sun and melt into the concrete

chanting the mantra

love is life and energy and colors and the wind…

don’t wait for the beep

i’ve already left the death march